A Plague on Mankind
Let it be known: I am not going to be nice in this review. I'm not even going to be very specific or put much effort into this. Why? This film doesn't deserve it.
It should also be known, the only reason I watched this film is because I watched it with Rifftrax commentary. Rifftrax, for those who don't know, is the post-MST3K awesomeness. Rather than making fun of old shitty films, they make fun of new shitty films (and good films too). Their commentary on The Dark Knight is good. Their Thor commentary is rather good. They have a number of great Rifftrax commentaries, and many that I haven't seen.
Okay, onto this Twilight nonsense. This is some fucked up, repugnant bullshit. I mean, what the fuck. Kristen Stewart, who I think is not only incredibly attractive, but also a very good actress (check out Welcome to the Rileys for an example), is terrible here. Probably because she isn't given a goddamn thing to work with. I'm entirely confident this entire film could be condensed to half its current running time, thus entirely eliminating the need for two separate films. I mean, to be totally honest, I'm entirely confident this entire film could be condensed to a pile of ashes and the world would be a better place, but we can't always get what we want.
1) Worst "sex" scene in all of film history. I think the sex scenes in The Room were better. 2) They did a fabulous job of making Kristen Stewart look like a 60 year old cancer patient. Thanks a lot. The most visually attractive part of the film and you go and fuck it up. 3) That "birth" scene? That was fucked up. I mean, seriously, Stephanie Meyer, something is majorly wrong with you. 4) fuck it, I don't even want to think about this film.
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